choice.

Do I really have to move out soon? I wonder. . . . I guess if I am forced to move out I really have to find a place to stay. But how to find my own money to buy food. . . . I guess if I am forced to I have to find a job to work while schooling. But the place I am staying I cant stay till when I am 18. People's people mind you know. We must also think about how people feel. I wonder. . . . I have to then move from place to place to stay maybe? End of this year get out and next year January come back? I wonder. . . . Can I really do that? Har har. Things are getting more and more complicated. I must think of a way to put those things away. Even how bad is something. . . You still have to bear with it to the end right? You cant just give away your life like that. Now I understand why people run away from home all the time. Now I know that I should say about them so much. Its really hard for them I guess. Those Pressure. Those sounds they get everyday in their ear. Those beatings and whackings. Those scars after getting beatings on their body. It is really bad isnt it ? Now I know how it all happened. We cant blame anyone for our life. We cant. Like what my friend said. If your life is screwed up its all because of you not anyone because you are the first person to decide where to go who to mix with. What to do. Like smoking, join gangterism or doing bad stuffs. Trust from a parent is very hard to get and maybe we should not try to lose it? Once you lose it. We wont really get anything anymore. Hmm. I only can write everything here because I am always alone all the time. Online have alot of people but the people that I am close with are always not around so I guess I have to do is just write and write and write on my blog. That day I just know one girl in Station one. Her name was May. I thought she was at least 18 or 19 or even 20. But then when I asked her and I know that she was only sixteen. And she was from Setapak not from Klang. I guess she ran away from her parents? I guess she stopped schooling? She said that she stopped schooling and dont wanna go back to school. What about SPM? What about the cert? I know some people said that it is not important but to me it is like a basic to college. If next time she wants to find a job to work. Can she find any job to do? I wonder. That is why I try so hard not to miss school or even not go to school. I try my very best just to go to school on that day. But I skip classes most of the time. I want to get my SPM cert at least. I dont wanna give up on my schooling years. I might not even go to college to study anymore due to my father's problems that I have to carry when I am 18. Its so hard its so hard. But even how hard it is. You must stand up for yourself to bear with all those and try to take care of everything right. So I must stand up for myself too so that I dont fall. But sometimes it is really lonely being standing up for yourself. At times when these type of things happen you dont really have anyone to talk to unless you are with them. They are your friends in the first place. Like how my friend told me. They cant be there 24/7 for you. They are friends which are really close but they have their exams to study for. Work to work for. Things to do for. You cant just trouble them or take their time just to tell your problems right? Ex girlfriends or boyfriends are just the past not the present or future anymore. But I always put them as present. I dunno why I still cant put them in the past. I want to put them back. When you waste someone's time. You are killing his time as it said in the Bible. You are wasting his life time. Wonder those time when you talk to them they can do things which bring effort to them not just wasting it just like that. Am I right? I think so that way. So all the time I just try to keep it to myself. And keeping it myself and not able to tell it out really hurts know. Sometimes you think nobody cares but actually nobody knows how you feel because you put it all inside rather than showing it out. That is why they didnt really ask. But I rather put on a happy smile than puting a sour face showing them that I am sad so that they wont worry so much and they can do their things without thinking about me. Like how Afiq said. When you are down. Think about those who are unlucky. Like those wants to study but didnt get a chance to. Those who doesnt have homes. Those who doesnt have food to eat. Or enough food to eat. Or water. Anything. We are just lucky but we are so sad that we didnt think about other people but just us. So I wanna be happy with what I got now. Just be happy while I can. Because you dunno when you gonna leave earth. So just smile and be happy before you leave everybody...