choice.

Treasure something before you lose them.

As someone told me 3 weeks back. People dont know how to treasure something until they lose them from thier hands. I finally realize that what she said is true. 3 weeks back she told me that once a person made her mind they wont turn back. Maybe now im finally trust and believe what she said. Its getting different day by day. Some days i had hopes. Some days i had nothing. Some days i really lose it all. Its so confusing. Until yesterday. I got everything up together. Once again. When i get all these things. It will be always a Sunday. A boring Sunday when nobody is around me for the whole day. No one to talk to. No one to care for. No one to even have fun with. Its so quiet here. Maybe it will rain and make the water sounded like they were dancing. But if not its all quiet. And time on Sundays passes really slow i realize. When i want time to pass fast, it passes real slow. When i want time to pass slow it passes real fast. Its always the opposite you know. All these days i realze alot of things that i did not knew yet. We dont always get what we want and we dont always get it in our way. I also learned that relationships are something hard to handle? A little bit they would just let it go. Hmm. I just dont get but i came to a conclusion that is Never to fall in love but just fool around. Yes. I realize at this age we should do that more but not get too serious. Someone im really sad for and i hope that she will be happy once again. Like i said to her. Its time to wake up and improve yourself. But am i really doing it when i tell other people to ? Like what my other friend told me. You may tell people to do that do this. But you will never listen to your own advise. Thats quite true ? I always tell my dad to be more positive thinking but i myself is a negative thinker ? I dont think too much of a positive things but more into negative thoughts ? I also learned that I am a person that has a hard time accepting things when it is bad. I take a very very very long time to overcome it i guess? I dunno am i strong or am i weak. But all i know is im a sissy. I dont like the pain. But maybe this is my pay back for what i did for not treasuring properly when i had the chance to ? One of my classmate always tell me that he believes in karma. Come to think of it. Karma might be a true thing after all. Whatever you do now. Reflects you in the future or in the present. Or am i just avoiding the fact that i am not good enough and lose it all ? Maybe i should stop avoiding it now. Its kind of hard to keep your feelings to yourself i think ? Stand alone in this world and keeping everything inside you not letting anybody know. I realize its not easy as it was. Like they always said. Everybody needs a close friend or loved ones beside them. To talk to. To care for. To have fun with. To be happy with. To go around with. A person that is always there for you. Maybe in this world. There is no such thing living alone? Everybody needs someone in the end after all. In this world living alone maybe you cant survive by yourself ? Maybe? Maybe not? There are alot of maybes and maybe not. Know or dont know in this world now. Everytime i want it to be how it used to be but something is just different. Maybe now she is not there all the time anymore ? Said to be im always here for you. But maybe i alone noticed that you have left some behind after all ? Or maybe you are just being there for a pathetic person like me ? I dunno what you are thinking. I dunno thats why i dare not say i just think and always with the maybes. Or maybe you just really dont give a damn anymore ? I always wonder with myself before going to sleep on my bed looking at the ceilling with the lights off thinking over and over again. Think about how it used to be. How we talked. How we met. I always thought of it over and over again. And i can say that i miss those moments but maybe its too late already? I went to my friend's friend's blog and i saw her title was It is never too late to apologize, just start with a Sorry. Is that true? In this world most of the time sorries just cant settle anything anymore. Like those gang fights. You say sorry but you still get beaten up in the end. Maybe its really too late and i cant do anything to save it anymore? I always thought i can do something do anything to change the situation. But maybe in the end i thought to myself that i cant do anything at all ? Its like you have given up on me. You dont hope to give me a second chance to redeem myself so that i can make you happy once again. The way you talk is like its not you anymore. Will it make a difference if i would just walk out of your life now? I wonder that alot. Do you really give a care about it. Many many people tell me just to forget about it and they are there for me. But sometimes do you know how old you are even you are fourteen. When you love someone so much that it can kill you and also effect the people around you ? I believe it can. If just you can put some faith in me again i would show you that everything can be repaired to the way it was. And i can be happy. There are so many If's. But those if's are rarely to happen. Miracles doesnt happen just like that in this world anymore. I rarely see miracles anymore. Its like its all gone to the drains then to the river and to the sea and to far far away. Few days ago you said differently and now you said things differently too ? Are you serious or what ? You can just change so fast huh ? Maybe falling in love in this age really makes someone go crazy. Maybe its better just to fool around then having a serious relationship ? If you wanna have a serious relationship then dont love so much but love one or two quaters only. I now know this. I might as well believe it too i guess. You might say nothing's changed but do you realise you just dont talk to me the way you are last time ? Everytime you just walk away from the conversation just like that. You dont do that last time. You just left me there alone just like that. You never do that before. And you never really came to me anymore for anything. You might say this and that to me but do you realise that you really dont need me around ? Before i came in it was like this too right. So if i was out now it would not make anything difference also right? And do you know you say that you say not to do that or not to do this. But actually you never really did anything. Its what i wanna do you just let it be that way. Is that really a close friend for? I wonder you changed so much and you said nothing has changed. I dunno how you feel because you always keep it from me. Maybe at times you just need to tell me so that i can feel more calm, more patience and more secure. But you dont at all. I dont wanna be selfish myself so i let you decide what you wanna do or say. But have you ever thought of me ? I wonder about that. Maybe you did not. You said i think too much. I know i do. But how about you? You think alot too. Maybe thats why it did not work out? Maybe you just think too much and dont wanna let it go and putting it in your heart? Its not about our attitude or our maturity or about our not giving in. We should try to repair things first before saying all that. You didnt give me time to really fix things up. You didnt really give me anything so that i could just fix things up to the way how it used to be. You just left without saying anything. Or without doing anything. Maybe you are just making fun of me. Maybe i dont know what you are thinking. I can say that i break down more often now? Maybe if you just give in to this matter. It might change everything but i know that you wont. So its useless asking you anymore. What you say that time. I dunno to believe it anot anymore. By the way you are now. Its better to fool around than really going serious. Maybe thats true. One of my friend once told me. As long as she is happy then its okay. Yes i do agree with you for what you said to me. I do agree alot. So now im hiding everything to myself rather than telling her just to make her happy right? Its better this way. I wont screw things up. Come to think of it my other friend told me that i deserve better or many people told me that. But to me you cant just simply say it that way. You cant just judge by seeing whats outside. Maybe she has her own reasons that she is keeping to herself? And not telling anybody? Many people tell me to get over it. I agree i need to get over it. Yes i do. So i might just get over it just it will take a very long time. You cant expect a person to just get over something in one day or one week or one month right. It might take a long time. So lets wait till that time comes. There are no more chances. No more hopes. No more prayers to be done. I do what i could and i can but if she is just like that. What more can i do ? But i believe that you can do more and more. But right now i dunno where am i heading or what am i gonna do. Well. I can say that you made me realize alot of things from what happened. And you made me very happy when the moments i was with you. I wanna say thank you for everything that you have did. You did alot of things for me and whats around me is better with your presence around. So thank you alot. And you are someone that can really make me realize more things and change myself. For the good but away from the bad. Thank you for everything you have did for me. I didnt want to give up. But well you made me give up on you.